Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
