Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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