you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
