You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
