dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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