hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
