my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
nutella sex= disaster
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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