Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
