So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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