4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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