is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
