You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
