All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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