Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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