If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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