Sry I called you an 8
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
