I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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