he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
