I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize