..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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