How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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