Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
