just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
