Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think my vagina is haunted
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
