At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
