Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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