Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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