Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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