My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
