and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
