the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
