Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
