dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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