if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
