Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
