Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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