did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
