I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
