You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
