office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
