but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
there is glitter all over my balls
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
