Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
