I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
