Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
