he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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