that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
