I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
