either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
