This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
