we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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