how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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