god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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