Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
