I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize