so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just sucked dick on a ferry
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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