Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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