You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
