My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
