I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.