Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
