Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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