i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
