Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
