"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.