I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL