I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
