we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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