You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
