if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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