question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
