you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
