in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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