very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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