Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
