i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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