Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
